Thursday, May 17, 2007

"Blatantly Idiotic"

I love the term IDIOT except I pronounce it like Yosemite Sam - Ij -jut. They are everywhere and come in all shapes, sizes, races, genders and they speak all languages.
Many are covert so you have to get them to show themselves. They blend like special deep under cover ij-juts just waiting and laying low until it's time to surface.
Some will briefly possess a person and then disappear - intermittent ij-juts! Unfortunately most are long term stage 4 ij-juts.
There is no definitive definition, examples of their behavior and thought process is a better way to identify an ij-jut.
  • The super plus size woman wearing the cropped top with a navel ring.
  • The young suburban white teen boys with the do-rags and crooked billed hats.
  • The guy driving a monster truck stuck in the median of the Northway on a snowy day.
  • All mid-50's people that dress like they're 25.
  • Any adult who tries to speak street - " shizzle my nizzle ", "No you dinnit!"
  • metrosexuals
  • Men who not only watch but also discuss soap operas.
  • Women who try to be one of the boys at a sporting event - high fives, butt slaps (o.k. we'll allow that)

I think you get the drift. These examples were about "negative ij-juts".

The poster person for all known negative ij-juts is Rosie O'Donnell. By her own admission on her website, she dropped out of college with a 1.62 cumulative average to pursue comedy. Now she has the ear of millions of t.v. viewers - why? She spews crap but people, mostly fellow ij-juts, listen.

Now "positive ij-juts" are just fun loving bozos and goofs, jerks and pranksters. I would consider myself a card carrying "positive ij-jut".

So what's the difference? We are appropriate. We knowingly ij-jut to be funny. We are blatantly idiotic and would take umbrage if not called an ij-jut. Most of us have been life long ij-juts and have honed our skills.

I've always thought that there should be a club with hats and secret handshakes. We could have chapters like the Elks, Moose and Lions. I guess our animal could be the Basset Hound or maybe a chicken. Hey! We could have Fog Horn Leghorn!

Some examples of appropriate behaviors-

  • the finger pull fart
  • the obligatory tap dance exit
  • screaming,"Yea baby, do it to me! Yea Daddy!" over and over when you stay with your wife in a motel. Of course when there is no sex. Best done when a friend or one of her relatives is in the next room. She doesn't even have to be there.
  • Chinese fire drills
  • Hellen Keller jokes
  • dancing like no one is watching, while bobbing your head and biting your upper lip

The poster person for appropriate ij-juts, who else David Letterman.

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