Tuesday, April 24, 2007

SOUTH BOUND END OF A NORTH BOUND COW





My Grandfather, Pop Nichols, was the oldest son of poor tenant farmers in Upstate New York. Due to his rural agricultural upbringing he had some bizarre sayings.
Many were animal related:
If he saw a plus size person walking away he might say - "that looks like the south bound end of a north bound cow"
If it was raining really hard - " it's raining like a two C#$% cow piss'in on a flat rock"
Some one would mess up - " that's a real goat F#$%"
Some buddy BSed him - "smells like horse pucky to me"
"that's as slimey as a bucket of eels"
Apparently they had owned a bull named Lucky. It had a nose ring and for some reason this made the bulls nose run. When he blew his nose and he was really congested he'd always say
" whoa, Lucky snot!"
Others not animal related:
"She was so ugly my ears bleed"
"Boy that made my ass pucker"
"That boy could F#$% up a free lunch"
"His teeth were so bad he could eat an apple through a tennis racket"
"Parle Vous a wooo wooo baby?"
These are only the highlights, he had many more much more profane.
Pop told me some things that I didn't understand as a child but came to relie on as an adult.
  1. Everyone in the world is an asshole until they prove personally to you that they are not.
  2. All Nichols and their vehicles are asshole magnets.
  3. You are never lost as long as you know where you are.

This last one, I found out, applies not only to geographical location but life as well. I used it many times on our motorhome trips. My wife would say,"You're Lost." I'd tell her I wasn't cause I knew where I was and as long as I knew that I could get to where we were going. It worked. I'm home ain't I?

Everyone has times in their lives when they aren't sure about themselves - they are lost. We all have confidence shakers. But if you know where you are you can always get to where you're going.

Thanks Pop!

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