"The Sound of Popping Corn"

Every night I hear, " put..pu..pop...pop..puta...phut...", the wife making popcorn. 40 years ago it was hot oil in a big pot with lots of butter. Next it was an electric popper with oil and lots of butter, then less butter. Eventually, post children, the move was made to an air popper still butter. Finally, the air popper no butter.

She lost me with the last step - popcorn no butter! Not on your life!

Where ever we went there was popcorn in her hands - movies, drive -ins, fairs, theme parks, truck stops, cruise ships, country stores........... She had it in a box, butter cup, paper bag, plastic bag, cellophane bag, big can, bowl, pot.............. Our daughter used to think that we had parties after she went to bed because she'd find evidence in the morning!

So when she turned 50 I decided to get her something special. Our basement is built out with a bar, so I bought her a theater sized popper at no small expense. It smelled fabulously. My friends and I would play cards, drink and eat some popcorn like in a real bar. She used it once!

She said it upset her stomach - "my ass!" I say. The old girl has had more popcorn pass through her than regular food.

She didn't want to clean it.

She's back to an electric popper. The bar one is in a home that appreciates it.

"You Ain't Gonna Believe This - Again!"

I am now on my 4th lift chair. At least each one has died a different death. So, there's been

variety in my anxiety.

#1 literally broke and crashed in the down position in April.

#2 broke in the up position in July.

#3 died slowly but with panache. After #1 & #2 we decided to buy new since the others were loaners from the ALS Center. It cost $1100. In the first week it lost power and the service man came. Parts were ordered. The new parts didn't work so, more parts were ordered. The new parts worked for less than a week! This chair would go up or down without anyone pushing the button. Of course it was a Saturday and I had to abuse the on call service man to get any satisfaction. They came and switched #3 and #4 and it's still July. I'm averaging 1 a month.

Is it possible that my butt is possessed or haunted by a comedic poltergiest? Could it be the ghosts of all those pond frogs we bb'd? Maybe it's the parents of all those kids we harassed or maybe just Helen Bailie or Hatty Zubal! Kathy says it's my "Mexican barking spyders", this is what I used to call a fart when my kids were little. She may have something, I have noticed an odor now and then.

"Retraction on Distraction"

I received numerous comments on yesterday's blog. My daughter blames beer and rain for her cell dilema. It was organic yogurt; French Vanilla but after drying out or coagulating his cell now works!

Also, I was reminded of some distractions that we did have. We used to install "reverberators" on our car radios. It made the radio sound like it was in an echo chamber. It wasn't right for every song so you constantly turned it off and on. I was also reminded what a pain in the ass I was! Nick reminded me about the time we were on Altamont Ave and I turned his car off and threw his keys out of the window.

My best was in the '70's when he had a huge fully optioned Pontiac. Inside the glove box was a button that would electrically open the trunk. I would push it at every opportunity.

Lastly, we used to turn everything on - the heat, radio as loud as it could go and the wipers. When some started the car they would all come on.

"Distractions"

I heard on the news that 5 young women were killed in a car accident near Rochester because the driver was text messaging while driving. Is that freak'n crazy or what? When I was a kid the radio was an option. Not the fanciness of the radio, the radio itself. Many families had cars with no radios.

Today cars have hands free cell phones, On-Star, radios, satellite radios, cd players, dvd players, playstations; some large vehicles have multiple items, and GPS systems. Now your cell phone can play music, videos, games, take picture and videos, text message, store info and take notes - oh yea, it's a phone too!

The distractions to driving are numerous before even adding a phone. Plus the cars are faster and more powerful today.

My wife and I worry about our kids but neither can keep a cell phone very long. Our daughter may have a record - she lost three in a two week stretch and our son destroyed his latest in three days. You ready for this - it died in a tub of yogurt! I believe it was organic. You think it may have been the bacteria?

"Roy Rules"

For you young snots that have no idea, this is Roy Rogers and his horse Trigger. For my 10th birthday my mother and father took me to New York City to the old Madison Square Garden to see a rodeo. Roy and Trigger made an appearance. The ushers got all the little kids down near the fence and we were allowed to pet Trigger as he went by ever so slowly. That was almost 48 years ago and I can still feel his Palomino coat if I close my eyes.

Roy Rogers was my hero. His show was on every Saturday and I wouldn't go anywhere until it was over. I would always sing "Happy Trails to You", at the end, with Dale Evans and Roy.

I want to share the ROY ROGER'S RIDERS CLUB RULES with you:

1. be neat and clean


2. be courteous and polite


3. always listen to your parents


4. protect the weak and help them


5. be brave, but never take chances


6. study hard and learn all that you can


7. be kind to animals and care for them


8. eat all your food and don't waste any


9. love God and go to Sunday school regularly.


10. always respect our flag and country.

" I reck'n I did em all. That's right varmint. I was a good boy.....Hell, it don't say noth'n 'bout no whiskey, women chas'n, smok'n, cuss'n, drink'n, raslin, tobacky chew'n, danc'n or loud sing'n! Does it? You flea bitten galoot! So there, this town aint big 'nough for the both of us, draw partner, slap leather, cut'em off at the pass, "You, Johnny, stay with the horses", you back shoot'n weasel, stay away from the School Marm, but that's injun territory, thank ya Mam, beer for my men & whiskey for my horses, don't care who it is - the gun stays at the town line.........."

Had enough? Oh really!

" It's the calvary, he's a gun for the double bar t ranch, stagecoach's a come'n, they dun robbed the bank, get the women in the back, not in my town, hurt real bad, them's injun tracks, where'd you get that saddle, reach for the sky, hired hand, tie um up boys, string'm up boys, shoot'm boys, hold'm for me boys, keep those hands up, throw down the strong box, give me the money, get a posse and follow'm, we're gonna have us a hang'n, he's plum loco, Pa get your gun............"

LULU

This is LuLu from Louisville, Kentucky. Yes, I do realize that there are no parrots indigenous to Kentucky! Her species is from South Africa but I actually bought her when she was still an egg from a breeder. He hatched her and her brother and after they were weened he hand fed them . She was shipped to me when she was 4 months old. LuLu flew up here on her own - no - American Airlines, in a crate!

LuLu can mimic cellphone rings, a "wolf whistle" and the "come here" whistle. We were a little worried about what her first words might be since her cage is right next to my chair. Since they tend to learn through repetition, it's lucky that it appears my most used words are Kathy, Kate and Kat . LuLu also is close to saying "scratchy scratch", what we say when she wants a feather rub, "knuk,knuk.knuk"and "LuLu."

I spend alot of time with her and she's very entertaining. The only downside is she's a really sloppy eater. Her food goes every where.

If you are looking for a different kind of pet , I highly recommend a "hand fed" parrot. The "hand fed part" is critical. They are used to people and will "step up" on to your hand willingly. She loves our Lab. She's always flying down to the floor and trying to climb on him.He's not thrilled but does tolerate her.

"You Never Forget the First One"

The cars above are 1964 Corvettes; the top is a roadster and the bottom the coupe. In 1966 my father and I bought a roadster and believe it or not, it cost us $2700. It was the color of the bottom picture - " satin silver" with navy blue leather seats. It was a 327 cu. in., 325 h.p., with a four speed transmission. It was the first car I ever owned with an am-fm radio. I didn't even know what fm was and the only fm station I could pick up was WRPI in Troy.The engine was ported, polished, balanced, blue printed, had a 3/4 race cam, Holley double pumper with an Edelbrock hi-rise manifold and Mickey Thompson headers. This car screamed! Fortunately gas was about 30 cents a gallon.

I just about lived in this vehicle. 40 years later people still ask me about it. My father sold it when I was in the service. I came home and there was a brand new Chevy Malibu in the garage. It gone though for good - the kid that bought it hit bridge abutment and totalled it.

God I loved that car!